Thursday, January 26, 2012

Not your ideal night

                                                       * Through the window as I rode the bus home

I came home to an empty apartment. Reheated the dinuguan I was craving for from a week ago. I ate it with the chicken skin and chicharong bituka I bought on the way home. I hate eating alone. I used to not eat, just because there wasn't anyone to eat with.

I lit a cigarette and prepared to watch the remaining 8 episodes of the second season of Friends. At least I'll have Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler and Joey with me tonight.

5 episodes in and I receive a text from Jason telling me to meet him at Metrowalk. I didn't really feel like going. My bed didn't want me to leave it. I still changed clothes, brushed my teeth, said goodbye to Friends and shut down my laptop.

Jason and I spent 3 hours talking. When you've known each other for more than a decade, 3 hours and a bucket of beer just isn't enough. Your stories have no particular order of either importance or chronology. They become intertwined, you lose track of the main topic, and sometimes they don't even get finished.

"Remember that time when I fell in love with you?", I asked him.

"Not really." He answered.

"Ugh I hate you. Me neither."

"I remember two things though. First was you said you love how I would hold your hand every time we cross the street."

"Yeah, that was nice. John just scolds me. Hey, Look where your going. Atleast sometimes he'd push me out of the way of a car. "

"Second was you loved how when we watched a horror movie, I was holding on to you."

"Is that all?" 


"Yep, pretty much."


"I remember I wrote our story once in my old phone. You know the communicator. It was qwerty."


"I remember the phone but I had no idea you wrote our story."


"See, i think that was the beauty of writing. You'll have something to look back to even when memories fail you. Damn repressed memories. I think I'll start writing again. I'll write about everything, even things that seem painful at the time. Someday, when the pain is gone, it would still be nice to look back with appreciation for who you were then."


After we paid for our drinks and food, I walked Jason to Obar where he'll meet his other friends. He asked me to go with him. I gracefully declined. As nice as the evening was. John was waiting for me to get home. I said goodbye to my gay best-friend and promised that we'll do this again soon.

When I got home. I called John, told him I had fun but I missed him. I kept telling him I love him over and over and in different tones. I fell asleep with the phone in my ear. John's presence- the warmest blanket and fluffiest pillow.


So, what's your ideal night?

3 comments:

  1. "Sometimes he'll push me out of the way of a car'." LOL.

    You used to be in love with your best friend? I can't imagine seeing someone I once loved and not constantly remembering the way I used to feel about him every time I look into his face. I can't fathom it. Which is why when I hear of exes going out and having dinner with their presents (like on double dates) it boggles my mind. I think maybe because I feel if I loved someone once, I'll love them forever. Ugh.

    "I think that was the beauty of writing. You'll have something to look back to even when memories fail you

    Yes! I have this little notebook from a couple years back. In it I wrote everything I remembered about a certain person, everything. It's a collection of random moments in no particular order and of no particular purpose other than to appreciate what it was I felt at a certain point in time... I called it 'My Little Book of You'. Ugh. I considered giving it to him but decided to keep it for myself for posterity's sake. So that when I'm old and senile I'll read and remember the first person who made me feel that way.

    Thanks for dropping by my blog! Is this your first blog? Or lemme guess, have you been blogging for some time but just felt like making a new one?

    Can't wait to read more from you. =)

    P.S. I love Friends, too.

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  2. Oh hello Miss Sitting Pretty, I'm so kilig by your comment so kilig I don't know how to write a proper reply. haha
    Jason was my bestfriend of 5 or so years before I fell in love with him. So quoting Robin Scherbatsky, I think it was more like two friends just getting back together. I already knew he was gay then too. I don't know what my stupid masochist heart was thinking and thanks to repressed memories, I don't think I ever will.

    I wish I had Little Books of You for every person I meet. So that I can read them the same way I rewatch old episodes of friends...

    I hope to read and listen more from you too! I think hearing your voice was where the kilig came from. :)

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  3. You're so funny. Haha. Yes, 'little books of you' for everyone you meet. To never forget. Have you ever seen Before Sunrise? You should watch it if you haven't. There are some things Celine says to Ethan Hawke's character that you can probably relate to. Haha. I think it's the scene where they're sitting in that alley...

    How I Met Your Mother! I haven't watched that in a while..

    Anyway, write more! =))

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